"10 Confessions of an INFJ about Conflict
1. I take conflict personally. I tend to blame myself, even if it’s not completely my fault. I’m not like Thinking types (especially the ENTJ or ESTJ), who can detach themselves from the conflict and debate simply as a mental exercise.
2. I’m a gentle soul, and “fighting” has a different definition for me. It isn’t just yelling. It can be as little as the other person raising his or her voice and snapping at me, criticizing me, or disagreeing with me.
3. If you actually yell at me or insult me, I will be wounded for a long time. This is why, as a kid, I rarely misbehaved. I was always that good child, the good student. I couldn’t bear to have an adult scold me. When the teacher yelled at other kids in my class, I felt the tension so real within me, it could have been happening to me.
4. With that said, there’s a side of me you’ll hopefully never see. Don’t underestimate my gentle nature. I’m not all warm fuzzies and smiles. If you cross one of my deeply held inner values, I become extremely outspoken and crusading. If I see someone else being hurt, I’ll have a strong urge to be their protector and defend them. An angry INFJ can deliver a wrath and intensity you’ve probably never experienced before. Think Jesus in the temple with whips, turning over the money changers’ tables.
5. I tend to internalize conflict (just like I do with all of my emotions). I feel conflict and stress physically in my body, until it’s resolved.
6. I’ll think about everything that was said during the fight a thousand times. I’ll replay your words and mine and feel the emotions again and again each time. This is my introverted intuition and introverted thinking functions at work, trying to analyze and assign meaning to what happened. My mind will be so busy, I may have a hard time sleeping.
7. It takes a long time for me to calm down. If you’ve aroused my anger, it will simmer for a while. If I’m sad, it will take me a while to become happy again. This is because, as an introvert, I process my emotions very deeply.
8. Sometimes I bottle up my feelings for too long. I’m afraid that if I say how I really feel, I might hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do. Plus, I think in images, so sometimes I just don’t have the words to say how I’m feeling.
9. Conflict is overstimulating for my sensitive, introverted system. You may experience this as the “INFJ freeze.” I have heard you, but my mind is paralyzed and I have no idea what to say back. So I sit there, staring, in silence.
10. There is a thing called the “INFJ Door Slam,” and unfortunately, it is very real. It means you’ve hurt me so much, I’m no longer investing any of my (limited) supply of energy in you. It means I’ve come to resent you. If you value me, don’t let it get to this point. It’s really hard to go back.”http://introvertdear.com/2014/03/24/infj-and-conflict/ (via kadancecarmen)